


Hiraeth

by lightherons



Series: Epiphany [5]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Don't Like Don't Read, M/M, Vampire Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-21 00:25:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11932494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightherons/pseuds/lightherons
Summary: "This is stupid. Of all of your ideas, this is your worst one."





	Hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> this could be seen as romantic jalec and, honestly, i'm not sure if it is or not. for now, it's just them having a very close bond.

"This is stupid. Of all of your ideas, this is your worst one."

He doesn't drop the staff in his hand, though. He twirls it in his hand with a grin on his face. If he ignores literally everything that's different, he can almost pretend they're back on the Institute's rooftops, sparring. But, he can't ignore that and has to face the fact that they're a vampire and a shadowhunter, _sparring_. He has a newfound strength that could, possibly, snap Jace like a twig.

Yet, _Jace_ is the one itching for the fight. He'd been trying to goad Alec into training with him for hours after he'd gotten back from his trip on the phone - and subsequent talk with Magnus. Alec wasn't an idiot, he knew that he had an ability to hear things he wasn't supposed to now, and he used that to his advantage. Magnus was trying to find him, to talk to him. Alec didn't want to talk to him. He had nothing to say to the Warlock, not anymore. He didn't care how sorry Magnus was, it didn't change the fact that Magnus was the reason it had happened.

"Come on, it's been weeks since you got out and you're starting to get lazy. Besides, who else to practice on than the _best_ Shadowhunter in existence?" Jace laughs.

They're on the roof of the apartment building, both glamoured so that they are hidden from the mundanes' view. They're safe, but Alec is still afraid of hurting his _parabatai_.

Alec rolls his eyes, but can't help but laugh at Jace's ego. He could stand to be knocked down a peg or two. Jace twirls the staff and waits for Alec to make the first move. Alec understands _why_ Jace is doing this, helping him figure out how to use these new abilities, and trying to get both of their frustrations out.

Alec takes a deep breath and ignores the smell of Jace's blood. It's become a familiar scent by now with the blond offering himself up as a meal at every opportunity. He watches Jace shed his jacket and sees the runes covering his body. It makes his own body ache in the places his runes _should_ be. He looks away momentarily before charging forward, slamming his staff into Jace's. The blond pushes back with just as much force, then shoves him backwards - making Alec stumble. He catches his footing and they begin a dance of hits and misses. Alec's blood sings with the fight and they fall into a routine, almost anticipating each other's moves. They slam into each other, grunt in pain, and look at each other with fire. Finally, Jace drops his staff and holds up his hands in surrender, breathing heavily.

"With some more training, you may actually kick my ass," Jace taunts.

Alec, still abuzz with the fight, uses his staff to kick Jace's legs out from under him, sending the blond crashing to the rooftop, knocking the wind out of him. Alec moves quickly and straddles him, placing the staff against Jace's windpipe. Jace breathes heavily, but doesn't struggle. He stares up at Alec and it feels all too familiar, all too like an old fight where they were fighting for their bond, where they'd almost broken it completely.

Alec tosses the staff aside, but stays where he is. Jace doesn't move.

"Better?" He asks.

Alec nods, "Yeah."

He moves off of Jace and sits down next to him. Jace sits up and looks at him. "You're going to have to talk to him eventually. He won't let up."

Alec nods again. "I know. Just.. not right now. He needs to respect that."

"I don't trust him for a second," Jace admits. "You tell us when you're ready. We'll tell Clary and she'll tell Magnus."

"Thanks," Alec replies with a smile. "Glad to know you and Izzy have my back."

Jace grins. "Always. You're my _parabatai-_ "

Alec shakes his head. He's _not_. Not anymore. It was the most painful of his runes to lose. Not just physically, but emotionally. Waking up and being unable to feel his _parabatai_ was devastating. Jace's emotions had become such a constant that being cut off from them felt suffocating. At first, he'd thought _Jace_ had died, but then the memories of what had happened came rushing back. The Seelie Knight cutting into his skin, removing the runes on his body, the toxic flowers that had been forced down his throat that caused so many hallucinations of his family until he couldn't distinguish between reality and fantasy, the liquids that had been poured into his mouth by the gallon.

He didn't even know his _sire_. He never met the vampire whose blood had been given to him. Or if it was even _one_. He didn't know how much blood was given to him or if it had been multiple vampires bloods.

Then, finally, there was the killing blow. He didn't get a quick death, he didn't _deserve_ a quick death. They had drained him of his blood until he couldn't even lift a finger, too weak to fight back against them. Then, everything had gone dark and he'd woken up to enhanced senses and an emptiness inside him. A hunger.

"Hey," Jace places a hand on Alec's to stop it from shaking. Alec looks at him. "You back with me?"

Alec laughs and looks away, embarrassed. "Sorry," he apologizes, squeezing Jace's hand. "We're _technically_ not _parabatai_ , you know."

Jace shrugs, "I know. Doesn't change anything. You and I both know that the bond is more than a title or a rune." He doesn't let go of Alec's hand, but he withdraws. He's slipping into his own memories. "You will always be my _parabatai_ , _parabatai_." Jace smiles and Alec can't help but smile back at him. " _Nothing_ will ever change that."

Alec nods. "How long do I have until I _have_ to talk to Magnus?"

"You can wait as long as you want. You know that if you wanted to go anywhere in the world, Izzy and I would follow you, right? If you wanted to leave tonight and leave the country, we'd help you figure it out. If you want to wait until I'm old and gray to talk to Magnus, I'll stand by you."

Alec is surprised to hear that. Logically, he knows it's nothing he shouldn't expect, Jace and Izzy had always had his back, when it mattered. "I may take you up on that. I don't think I should run from this, though. He's already going to everyone else. I can't just sit aside while he pesters everyone I know."

"You think we care? I can't speak for Luke or the vampires, but us? Clary, Izzy, and I? We're here for _you_. We don't care what Magnus does. Izzy said she threatened him and I don't doubt for a second she'd actually go through with it. The Angel knows I would if I thought you'd let me."

"I don't control what you do," Alec notes. "I certainly wouldn't hold you back. But, he's also the High Warlock of Brooklyn. The Institute can't afford to make waves with him. Not now when we need to find Valentine."

"Don't worry about the Institute. I talked to the Inquisitor and she's going to see about getting Mom in as the Head of the Institute. She'll take care of things."

Alec frowns. "She doesn't know what happened, does she?" His voice is quiet, terrified of the answer. He isn't sure whether he wants her to know or not. If she does, then she knows everything and can comfort him if he needs her to. If she doesn't, then she won't go after Magnus or engage in a war with the Seelie Queen.

"She knows as much as the Clave does. That you were taken by the Seelie Queen and held prisoner, tortured, and you were turned into a vampire as a result. No one mentioned anything about Magnus."

Of course, his _parabatai_ knows Alec's hidden question.

"I loved him," Alec says.

"I know you do," Jace replies. "You'll figure this out. I think this is the first time since Izzy was born that you were only responsible for yourself."

Alec rises to his feet, holding out a hand to Jace to help him up. Jace takes the offered hand and stands. "Just because I'm not a Shadowhunter anymore, doesn't mean I'm not going to still be your backup. You're still training with me, remember? I have to figure out how to use this new strength I have." He's grateful for this sparring session, for the chance to forget about the outside world and everything that comes with it, to forget about Magnus and the Seelie Queen and the Institute and the Clave. "You should get back," Alec tells Jace. "I'm sure they're wondering where the _best Shadowhunter_ in existence."

Jace's smile falls, only slightly but enough that Alec notices. "They'll survive without me."

Alec feels guilt run through him. There are more important things than him and the adjustment. Valentine and Jonathan are more important. "Please? I'll be fine on my own. We need to find Jonathan and Valentine. _You_ and _Clary_ are the ones who can find him."

Jace shakes his head. "Alec, I'm not-"

"I'll be fine. Besides, you stink. You need a shower." He wrinkled his nose for emphasis, though, it was far from the truth. In reality, Jace smelled intoxicating, the blood running in his veins was like a drug and Alec had to hold himself back from biting into his _parabatai_ 's throat.

He understood why Raphael had gotten addicted.

"I'm probably just going to sleep all day anyways. I'm exhausted. Go check on Izzy and Max for me?"

Jace, _finally_ , nods. "Alright." It's probably the mention of Max that convinces him. They'd gotten so close to losing their little brother and they were all on edge about possibly losing him again. Jace raises a hand and Alec clasps his own around it with a smile. It's the closest they can get now and makes them yearn for that connection, but it's all they can risk. Alec would never forgive himself if he hurt anyone.

Alec heads back into the building and into the apartment he'd found. Jace follows, but doesn't linger long. He makes sure that Alec has everything he needs - and waits for another insistence from Alec - before departing. Alec sits down on the only piece of furniture in the apartment - a bed - and sighs, running a hand over his face to calm himself. He thinks back on Magnus and closes his eyes.

He decides that's another problem for another day and if he wants to wait a year before talking to his ex, he will. He's deserved, at least, that much.

**Author's Note:**

> i do have a general idea for how i want this series to go as far as ultimate events, but i don't know if magnus and alec will get back together or if i'll introduce a different ship, or just have no ships at all.


End file.
